An MCC Members' patriot informs us that as we type that The Age's Caroline Wilson (better known in political circles as the Spouse de Iron Chef and suspected patriot Brendan Donohue) who today complained loud and proud on our very own version of Pravda's front page about the lame-ass stupid sexualised denigration of her on Nine's Footy Show has fired right back up, presenting as truly jovial and chattily indulging in a restorative drink or three while holding court with several dames of an age in the MCC's Percy Beames Bar.
Pinot is the drink of the day.
Cheers.
Game on.
Showing posts with label the age. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the age. Show all posts
Saturday, 17 May 2008
FULL RECOVERY: The Age's Caroline Wilson Bounces Back From Footy Show Insult
Thursday, 1 May 2008
SOME NUGGETS OF FREEDOM: Stories On Their Way To Youse
Today won't be a normal day of transmission but as always we've got some good stories in the can which you should be watching out for.
■ Stephen Mayne admits the OC was right on Bernie Riordan. He accused the NSW Right patriot of being a "lefty", a most grievous insult. A full retraction was ordered. We'll put it up and insult him a few more times.
■ A very interesting looming story involving Socialist Leftard student union official Mark Baker at Monash U. The fat slug appears to making a pay grab at a meeting this afternoon which would re-allocate money from patriot Jimmy Mentor to himself. If he actually goes through with it, we'll report it in gory detail. Some believe he has maxed out his credit card buying pies and tasty treats from Baker's Delight, where he aspires one day to become a franchisee and Chief Pie Taster. Given his penchant for ratting on deals, there might be a chance he could come up with a new and delectable offering: the cheese pie. Bad Zoe (Edwards) is also hanging on for some.
■ We'll be looking in detail at the ramifications of the government caving in to half-naked CBD protesting cab drivers. As I learned the hard way as a puppy parent, if you reward bad behaviour, you're certain to get more of it.
■ Speaking of bad or at least highly neglectful behaviour, it appears that The Age newspaper was privy to many emails from the alleged attacker of the cab driver who prompted those feral protests. We have asked The Age to explain what action they took on receipt of these emails but are yet to receive a reply from editor in chief Andrew Jaspan. They style themselves as the moral lefty conscience of Melbourne, yet show callous contempt for a man who was clearly in distress and required urgent assistance. The consequence of their inaction has been devastating.
■ Must-see bitchee today from nancy-boy Chrissy Kerr of the Australian (who we pledged to try to like after he left the nasties at Nameless to the broad sunlit uplands of The Oz). Kerr opines:
The Canberra press gallery is bigger than any of its state equivalents. It is less easily manipulated or intimidated and much, much hungrier for a story.
Kerr's colleagues at News Limited, including some of the nation's most impressive and pesky reporters who work in state rounds are no doubt not very impressed to be accused of stupidity and sloth by an alcoholic, cocaine and ecstasy addict who by his own admission was barely capable of wiping his own ass for several months during one of his legendary benders.
■ One of our finest sources of patriotic thought has sent through an intriguing story from Canada, the nation that brought us Blackberry, where one of the unions has lodged a pay claim that partly justifies a pay increase on the basis that Blackberry use eats into their private time. Perhaps someone should tell them about the "OFF" switch.
Game on.
Sunday, 9 March 2008
SUNDAY PRESSED: The World Continues To Be Crazy
■ The James Hird for Higgins bushfire, started here by the OC playing with matches here and here, has now officially grown out of control. The Sunday Herald Sun today reported on the blaze, simultaneously reporting that "Former AFL great James Hird has not ruled out a move into politics" and "James Hird denies interest in MP role". The paper says that "Rumours abounded in political circles during the week that the former Bombers captain planned to enter parliament in Canberra or Melbourne." Oops, my bad.
■ The nation's most popular newspaper also intriguingly reports that high copper and nickel prices mean that the metal value of 5c, 10c and 20c coins will soon overtake their nominal value. Before you fire up the furnace, Tim Lisle-Williams (always in search of a quid they say), beware that strict penalties apply for melting the Queen's face for cashing in purposes.
■ And the S-Hun hits keep coming today with the feisty Liam Houlihan revealing that a solution to our crime problem might lie in deporting everyone born here and leaving the place for relatively more law abiding immigrants. If we understood the stats presented correctly, he revealed that while some 26% of Victorians were born overseas that they commit only 14% of the crime. Not only that, he accompanied a beautiful black labrador VicPol sniffer dog that was brought in to check the incidence of drug use at Bornoia station. In the space of just four hours, four travellers actually had illegal drugs on them and thirty nine had a "narcotic odour". Either that or they'd kept a dog choc in the pocket.
■ In fine form he also took a much-needed slap at the creepy "Landmark Education" who apparently tend to sue on-line critics of the pop psychology training business run by a former Scientologist, Wayne Erhard. Might be worth a further look that one. Anyone with any muck on them, please share.
■ Rarely does one edition of a newspaper offer so much, former Victorian Premier Joan Kirner complains she didn't get her parliamentary superannuation. My understanding is that she did get a large super payment after her retirement but it seems it wasn't enough for the Premier who presided over the biggest financial meltdown Victoria had seen since the Great Depression.
■ In the other journal, they don't have much on offer except for the Koutsoukis who set to go to Israel as the Fairfax correspondent soon, replacing the quite possibly Satanic Ed O'Loughlin. They report rather hopefully that "Green is the new god", that Rudd is a workaholic and is driving all the slovenly Canberra bureaucracy mad (hardly news with the greatest respect), that NSW Chief Justice Jim Spigelman who boasts in public that Sydney is the domicile of every half way good jurist is in the running to become the new HC CJ and somehow extreme leftist and Obama cheer-leader Guy "Gee" Rundle managed to report on the week in Presidential politics without mentioning that Obama was forced to sack his Israel-lashing senior foreign policy adviser after accusing rival Hillary of being a monster. Has he written all of his rants in advance to give him time to do exotic things to hamsters in his motel rooms (also known as doing a Brendan Mac)? An offensive thought, I'll agree but keep in mind Gee's reference to Republican candidate Mitt Romney who he claimed looked like the sort of person who would take the opportunity to urinate in a sex worker's mouth for kicks.
■ We'll also be chasing Stephen Mayne this week to explain whether his apparent commercial relationship with the gazillionaire WA Bendat family in the Mayne Report represents a potential conflict of interests of the kind he's always condemning in others. The Bendats are shareholders apparently in the Mayne Report, if you can believe this blog. And as we know, blogs are always correct. In this case, it certainly seems to be, with a quick Google search confirming some ties between a young member of the Bendat clan and Stevie.
Perhaps we've not been paying sufficient attention to his online bleatings but I certainly don't recall Stevie fessing up to some well-monied persons active in the markets being on the ownership register of his independent financial commentary and abuse service.
It appears old man Bendat is or at least was both a very large shareholder in West Australian Newspapers and a mate of other big shareholder and television proprietor Kerry Stokes.
Both Perth spivs (even the ancient relic Bendat) would probably do a much better job at running WAN than the stiffs on the board right now but that's not really the point. Mayne's whole shtick for years has been how independent he is, now he seems to be lobbying people to run against the board incumbents while Stokes (Bendat's former business partner and mate) is trying to unseat them too. And Mayne is a candidate too, ostensibly as an independent director. But we wonder how independent he can be from someone who's invested in this business?
Check out his obsequious description of old Jack on his rich list, which is otherwise full of criticism and poking at those unfortunate enough to be on it:
Jack Bendat: Migrating to Australia over 40 years ago, he arrived with ambitions of being a farmer. He soon moved away from that direction and moved into shopping centres, television, radio and wine. Each time, skilfully knowing when to sell out and move on to the next challenge. The charitable owner of the Perth Wildcats basketball team and a large portfolio of listed stocks continue to drive his wealth.
Compare that grovelling description with the more typical offering:
Tony Berg: Did 19 years with Macquarie Bank, the last nine as managing director before he took the top job at Boral, but failed to deliver. However, with an estimated $80 million with Grange Securities, the lad clearly made plenty from his Macquarie days and is still in the money with a portfolio of board interests, including a five-year stint with venture capital firm Gresham Partners.
Also worth noting is Mayne's exclusion of his chum Labor MP Evan Thornley and his partner in crime Tracey "Toad of Toad Hall" Ellery from the list. Thornley understandably hates being on those lists, figuring it doesn't do his ailing political career much good, so he personally asked Mayne to pull his entry even though his cut-off point is a measly $20M. Thornley is well over that even after splashing cash on some dodgy investments in d-store and uneconomic farms and ego book publishers and as yet not fully disclosed property holdings in "Queensland". Mayne complied with his bud's dud request despite knowing full well Thornley was above the $20M cut and not currently on the BRW's list (his normal criteria). Also excluded from the list on the same dubious basis is the multi-millionaire ASIC investigated boss of Nameless. Beecher made much more than $20M from his Text Media sweet-heart deal with Fairfax. So much so he even gave Stevie a lazy mil for the keys to the barely solvent email newsletter.
Shareholders beware of dweebs bearing independence.
Game on.
Tuesday, 11 December 2007
KA-CHING: How Comrade Catherine Deveny Turned Leftard Ranting Into A Cash Crop
The Age's shrill witch project Catherine Deveny has gone from writing a column in a newspaper no-one reads to temporarily (hopefully) broadcasting on a radio station paid for by the public on ABC774 in Melbourne.
The OC understands Deveny is a Jaspan favourite, with two regular columns filled with mostly self-indulgent, socialist, silly and snide sarcasm of a kind that appeals to the Age's dwindling leftard readership.
Her proud writing exploits - summed up in book form "It's Not My Fault They Print Them" include:
■ After denigrating women who keep their father's name rather than their husband's and being swamped with complaints "I don't give a stuff what you do";
■ "Why would anyone care what I think? Who'd give a monkey's about what a stranger writing in a newspaper would think about their choice? If someone had a go at something I'd decided to do, I wouldn't give a rat's. I'm happy with my choices."
■ One Nation is still around. Which is great news for all the white supremacists who just don’t find the Coalition racist enough for them.
■ Asking who are we going to hate now after John Howard was defeated;
Deveny - once a comedy writer who now finds her jokes accepted as commentary by the latte Left - is believed to have told ABCistas that she is the highest paid columnist in history at The Age but will temporarily tolerate the low pay on offer from the Corporation because of her "commitment to public broadcasting."
Initial inquiries with her representatives this morning suggests she charges as much as $5000 per appearance, more if she is expected to give a speech. And all this for a market mechanism sceptic!
She boasts that she pulls in multiple thousands a week for two crappy stream of consciousness 800 word rants that could well be transcripts from her opinion sharing imposing with ear-battered young mums at her local latte den.
Nice work if you can get it.
The name of one of her publications is Rank and Smelly. We haven't yet read what sounds suspiciously autobiographical but you'll be pleased to know it's destined for TV.
Game on.
CREDIT: Patriot in chief Tim Blair who reads Deveny's columns so we don't have to.
Monday, 1 October 2007
POLTERGEIST: The Ghost Who Haunts Old Man Lawrence Money
The Age's sneering scribe of smut, gossip columnist Lawrence Money is getting all wistful, nostalgic and regretful in his pathetic old age. He appears to be haunted by the memory of those he's legged over.
Check out this shameful admission:
Lawrence Money still winces at the memory of disclosing that the revered movie critic Ivan Hutchinson, who has since died, was suffering from cancer. Hutchinson was devastated; he had hoped to keep it secret, and Money would have obliged if he had realised as much. “It was such a kick in the guts,” says Money. “But you can’t write a retraction. There was no way back.”
Did the Lawrence ring his victim for comment as is usually considered obligatory in mainstream media? Clearly not. He just outed the terminally ill bloke who'd wanted his illness kept quiet and considerably added to his torment when he'd just wanted a low-key and dignified departure.
Money's infamous outing led to him be de-listed from the Seven A-list for quite some time, probably the "kick in the guts" that really troubled the nasty and dirty old man. He'll have plenty of time for regret and sadness where he's going.
Game on.
Tuesday, 25 September 2007
THE AGED: Would Someone Buy Them A Clue? The Age Claims First Fleet Arrived in 1787
A loyal patriot has alerted us to an article in The Age newspaper, written by Josh Gordon but also contributed to by David Rood, an Honours graduate in history and PhD candidate, which asserts today that the First Fleet initially settled Australia arrived in 1787.
Of course, you don't need a PhD in history to know that the First Fleet arrived in 1788. The Bicentenary in 1988 was a useful reminder for those who were concentrating on footy, the opposite sex or Dungeons & Dragons when being briefed on historical matters at school. For patriots too young to remember the event, Youtube has a recording above of one of the televised celebrations. Must-see TV to be sure.
THE AGE DISGRACE
For those who couldn't imagine a journal of record, full of overpaid staff and sub-editors, making such an error, we turn to Wikipedia, the Age's favoured source of plagiarised material which confirms:
On 26 January 1788, the fleet weighed anchor and by evening had entered Port Jackson. The site selected for the anchorage had deep water close to the shore, was sheltered and had a small stream flowing into it. Phillip named it Sydney Cove, after Lord Sydney the British Home Secretary. This date is still celebrated as Australia Day, marking the beginnings of the first British settlement.
Pedants will note that some of the fleet arrived as early as the 18th of January 1788, but still clearly in the officially recognised year.
Perhaps we should be grateful they didn't refer to the blessed event as an "invasion" and be done with it.
Game on.
UPDATE: Another patriot wonders what the hell is going on with The Age such that it is now publishing a lovely little yet painfully indulgent piece about the life and times of their journalist Matthew Ricketson's children that was probably best left on his family blog. The patriot declares:
y
I don’t know about you, but many’s the time I’ve longed to open a broadsheet and read about the activities of one of their employee’s children. Happily, nature abhors a vacuum, although one didn’t realise a vacuum could be so completely filled.
[Perhaps he's]going to splash tomorrow with a pean about bath-time. The little buggers splash around. Who knew?
We haven't read the article in detail but are advised that it can only be read with the theme of the "Wonder Years" on in the background. Click here for musical accompaniment.
Monday, 24 September 2007
PAIR OF JOKERS: ABC and Age Hard At Work
The poisonous and prickly pair Victorian ABC reporter Josephine Cafagna and his missus Paul Austin of The Age have been seen taking time out from their busy lifestyle to sip lattes together this afternoon in Williamstown.
Can you imagine the banter?
JO CA (pronounced joker): I think we didn't ask enough Williamstown related questions during those by-election pressers Paul...
PAUL A: Speak for yourself darl, I must have asked twenty, about local potholes, planning permits, you name it. Drove Donohue insane, I reckon he was going to roundhouse punch me at one stage. He knows I'd run like a girl.
JO CA: That's enough of your patronising gender stereotypes Paul. How many times do you have to be told? It's just... you know... inappropriate. You're a role model for the political community, you have to start behaving like it. I'm feeling exhausted by this pace of work, Paul. I don't know how I do it. I think I'll have another latte...
PAUL A: Yeh, that grub Ramadge is forever in my face about this and that. When do I get "me time" that's what I wanna know, Jo. You picking up the Saab from the mechanics?
JO CA: Yeh, later today. You know what really pisses me off, Paul, is that they approached that bitch Angela Pippos but didn't even think of me for that seat. I would have been perfect and what was she, a sports jock? What the hell is that about? I think it must be a Greek-Italian thing. They're all bigots in the Labor Party I reckon.
PAUL A: Totally, Jo. If only they'd listen more, honestly I told Brumby he should have given up one seat to the Greens as like a gesture of goodwill.
JO CA: Great idea. Fell on deaf dears I spose. Can't help some people.
PAUL A: They're all arrogant f*cks you know. Bunch a rednecks forever sucking up to farmers and the like. Sharon helps them get away with blue murder, the witch. She's stopped returning my calls too lately to try to rough me up.
JO CA: Sometimes I'd really like to rough you up, Paulie.
PAUL: Not tonight Josephine.
DRAMATIS PERSONAE:
Josephine Cafagna is an ABC political reporter who operates out of the "Stateline" soviet in Victoria. Known for banal use of sombre music over the most innocent of file tape to make someone look like a crook. That's about all she does well though. One trick pony.
Paul Austin is the Political Editor of The Age, Australia's most left-wing daily newspaper. Considered more moderate that many of his freaktard colleagues, he however loyally toes the company line, a pro-Green, radical left agenda that shrieks death to America while turning a blind eye to Chinese gangsterism and Islamofascist misogyny.
Donohue refers to Brendan Donohue, no-nonsense, patriotic, no-holds-barred political reporter at Channel Seven. His nightly takedowns of state politicians large and small are a delight to behold. Considered dangerous when bored. Famous for groin shots of politicians accused of any kind of romantic indiscretion. What the OC would like to be when it grows up.
Williamstown is a beach-side suburb of Melbourne. While in the west, it is now very affluent and is full of ministerial advisers, industry fund execs, union officials and other struggling to get by on their hundred grand salaries for looking after the workers.
that grub Ramadge refers to Deputy Editor in Chief Paul "Rambo" Ramadge, who basically does all of bosscock Andrew Jaspan's dirty work. He is considered either a strict disciplinarian (by himself and S&M friends) or a pompous, random, ineffective tosser with no sense of what news is and no hope of ever finding out (by his colleagues/victims). Usually leaves Austin alone because he's such a bad boy. Ramadge prefers to monster the young and the female.
Angela Pippos refers to the ABC sports newsreader who contemplated running in the recent Williamstown by-election as an ALP candidate.
Sharon McCrohan is the Premier's chief spin doctor, in charge of a small army of spinners including Socialist Leftista Louise Perry operating as a left-wing agent of influence in the office of Treasurer Lenders. Uttering Sharon's name in vain can cause lightning to strike any journalist. Her sunglasses cloak a withering stare that can also kill from twenty paces.
Game on.
Monday, 17 September 2007
SMACKDOWN: Labor MP Takes On Age's Bias and Extremism
In a superb review of what has gone wrong with The Age, federal Labor MP Michael Danby has bravely defied the once powerful newspaper providing readers with a splendid analysis of their views on the Middle East and extremism in general
The Age's coverage of the Middle East with their correspondent Ed O'Loughlin has plumbed new depths of bias and debauchery. There is a rising tide of concern in the community about what the Age has become, especially under editor Andrew Jaspan. Danby is one of the few to publicly call them on it.
Danby is an MP facing election in a few months in his inner-urban marginal seat. There are many Age readers there and many people who probably blindly agree with The Age's political stance. It takes real courage and real integrity to stand up to that. And genuine political leadership to try to lead a community discussion around these issues. The Americans have a fine expression for this: "Stepping up". It's about time someone did.
THE REAL ISRAEL
The OC loves provoking these discussions too and we know that there are many people of a left-wing bent automatically inclined to support the under-dog. That can mean support for any cause - however scary and foul - against America. Support for the corruptly led and abused Palestinian people against modern, progressive and successful Israel. And yet for those lefties with open hearts and minds, they find their views rather confronted if they ever actually visit Israel. They find - by our standards - a very European lefty culture, with a strong trade union movement, kibbutzes still going strong, possibly the most politically engaged and fractious community on Earth, a country far more like our statism than American small government.
So for those who know better, there is a deep outrage provoked by The Age's hateful stance. In the Jewish community and beyond. It is - as we have documented - the nation's most indulgent newspaper. It allows even the most repugnant views to appear, if one of their staff really wants it up. The system of checks and balances has failed.
Danby's Jewish News article, republished in The Australian, notes editor Jaspan's indulging of the most anti-Israel conspiracy theories, The Age's vile and hysterical Israel and America bashing including O'Loughlin's outrageous positions on many issues:
■ Palestinian suicide bombers are militants whose murder of Israeli civilians is an understandable reaction to Israel's brutalisation of their families.
■ Israel's security barrier, which has saved hundreds of Israeli (and Palestinian) lives, is a wall, imposing apartheid on innocent Palestinians.
■ Israel's withdrawal from Gaza was all part of a cynical Israeli scheme to occupy the West Bank forever.
■ Israel and Hamas are morally no different, since neither wants peace and both are dominated by rejectionists.
But as they say, where there's life, there's hope. O'Loughlin the maddie has been replaced by a lefty of more reasonable stripe, Jason Koutsoukis.
He has told the Jewish News he is pledged to a "balanced" reporting of the situation in the Middle East when he becomes the Fairfax correspondent in the Middle East, based in Israel.
"There's two sides to every story and I think we've got to tell both sides. Perhaps we've only been telling one side. That's been some of the concerns expressed to me by Jewish community leaders," he is quoted as saying.
Koutsoukis is a lefty working for a left-wing newspaper publisher. Despite these encouraging words, our expectations should be limited and realistic. He has a job to do and that involves reporting to editors who will expect a certain quota of Israel bashing. But if he actually does produce a more balanced account of always fascinating and scary world of Middle East politics and life, he will return an all-conquering hero and move on to a magnificent career once the dark days of the Jaspan era are a distant memory.
Game on.
Thursday, 26 July 2007
ROTTEN: Jaspan's Reign of Error At The Age Stumbles Into Its Final Days With Bizarre Denunciation Attempt of Melbourne's Supermarkets
The ultra-left dominated Age newspaper has some serious problems as we have repeatedly discussed.
And while their proles are revolting, whether it be engaging in pub violence or plagiarising from Wikipedia, it is indeed a fish that rots from the head.
One well place Age source has told us that Editor in Chief Andrew Jaspan makes bizarre Howard Hughes style interventions into the content of the beseiged daily.
Three instances confirm the rising volume of noisy complaints about his reign of error. In one case, at "conference" he is believed to have demanded to know why there wasn't a story on AFL teams that were likely to be "relegated" at the end of the season. His assumption that the AFL worked like the English soccer caused a loud thump as jaws hit the table.
In another, Jaspan is believed to have asked at conference whether they had ever found the killer of Benjamin Venjamin long after his killer Mick Gatto had been acquitted of murder on the grounds of self-defence.
"He knows less about Melbourne than the average Eskimo" said one amused observer.
A third incident played out yesterday in the Epicure section. We are advised by patriots operating under deep cover that Andrew Jaspan's wife had been angrily lamenting the state of supermarkets in southern inner-city Melbourne. She reputedly painfully misses the Selfridges' food hall and find what's on offer down under particularly down at heel.
Jaspan has repeatedly demanded that someone be assigned the task of ripping into the subject of the apparently miserable quality of Australian supermarkets. Most people rolled their eyes and just told him to "leave it with me" but he eventually cornered his target and foodie Carolyn Holbrook got lumbered with the gig.
Her rant barely made sense as it angrily denounced "Supermarkets are seen as profit-obsessed, anti-social villains of the order of banks and fast-food companies."
Perhaps thinking it might be unpolitic to actually quote the boss's missus whining about their adopted city, Ms Holbrook probably didn't have to look to hard to find a whingeing Pom who loved sticking the boot in about our meagre supermarket offering.
A bloke called Rear claimed that he was having trouble finding "something something special like meat that came with details of where it was farmed, or chocolate mousse made with real Belgian chocolate and organic cream" from local supermarkets. It really is the stuff of peasant revolutions...
But for all that Holbrook proved herself to be a feisty and independent sort, totally contradicting the premise of Jaspan's demented instruction. She defiantly concludes:
Instead of slamming the mediocrity of our supermarkets and lamenting the absence of an upmarket player, should we question whether we really want our supermarkets to be as good as in Britain or the US?
"You've hit the nail on the head," Ogden-Barnes says. For, if there was a (very upmarket) Waitrose-equivalent in every second suburb, Prahran, Preston and Dandenong Markets, or our treasured independent butchers, bakers and greengrocers would surely attract less custom.
Game on.
Our two big supermarkets have long competed on price. But is it really quality products for a discerning top end that customers are crying out for, asks Carolyn Holbrook.
The whole article for your reference:
AUSTRALIAN supermarkets might be feeling a bit vexed just about now. On the back of a recent report by Melbourne-based international research group GAPbuster, they've been copping a pasting in the press. Our supermarkets have been canned for poor product range and freshness, unfriendly service and long queues, which compare unfavourably with their counterparts in Britain. Even their traditionally competitive prices are being questioned following fruit and vegetable price hikes in the past three months and Woolworth's announcement last week of a record net profit.
Supermarkets are seen as profit-obsessed, anti-social villains of the order of banks and fast-food companies. Damnation indeed. Yet even as we pillory them it seems that we take their existence and their convenience for granted.
So how good or bad are Australian supermarkets? Are they adapting to better serve a population that is increasingly discerning about what it eats and what are they doing in response to big questions such as climate change?
Today, yearly turnover in the highly competitive grocery sector, which includes fresh produce, deli, meat, bakery, dry groceries and general merchandise, is worth about $80 billion.
Nationally, Coles and Woolworths/Safeway duopolise about 75 per cent of the grocery market, with independents and small chains taking the remainder.
The Coles Group has been losing market share in recent years and, in the biggest takeover in Australian corporate history, is now the subject of a $22 billion bid by the Perth-based company Wesfarmers.
In the jargon of food retailing, the Australian supermarket business is overwhelmingly "price-sensitive". Coles has "dollar savers"; Safeway "everyday low prices." They have slim margins of between 3 per cent and 7 per cent and depend for their profit on high turnover and low operating costs.
By contrast with Britain, there is no big retailer here catering for the more judicious end of the market. That job is done by a sprinkling of supermarkets such as Leo's Fine Foods, in Heidelberg and Kew, and Piedimonte's in North Fitzroy and a range of fresh food markets. David Jones' Foodchain ventured to grab this market a decade ago but failed dismally. The group lost $40 million in two years.
The result is that "Australia is crying out for a supermarket chain to cater to the upper-to-middle market", says Stephen Ogden-Barnes, program director at the Australian Centre for Retail Studies, at Monash University.
Britain provides an obvious point of comparison with Australia. Admittedly, it is a much bigger market but customers have a great deal more choice. The spectrum begins with the likes of Asda and moves up through the middle range of Safeway, Tesco and Sainsbury to Waitrose.
"Waitrose is not super-exclusive", says Ogden-Barnes. "It caters for the more discerning top 30 per cent or so of the population. And that's clearly what's missing in Australia."
Mike Rear, an IT manager, moved to Melbourne from London with his wife and three young sons early last year. Back in London, Mike and wife Sarah usually shopped at Sainsbury, simply because it was within easy reach of their home in East Dulwich. "Generally we stuck to one store but if you wanted something special like meat that came with details of where it was farmed, or chocolate mousse made with real Belgian chocolate and organic cream, then a trip to Waitrose was in order," Rear says.
While the transition to Melbourne is generally working well, Rear admits to missing Britain's more sophisticated supermarket culture. "It's a choice thing really, not so much in the fresh food areas but more in the sheer volume of choice, like ethnic foods and condiments from a wide range are sold in almost every store regardless of location." There might be an unfilled niche at the upper reaches of the Australian grocery market but since the arrival of an innovative German company a few years ago, there's been plenty of jostling down the other end of the scale.
Ogden-Barnes describes the arrival of Aldi here as "a slap in the face for the bigger guys". The first Australian Aldi opened in Sydney in January 2001 and already the German chain has 5 per cent of the Australian grocery market. There are 150 or so branches in NSW, the Australian Capital Territory, Queensland and Victoria.
Louise Price shops at the Aldi next to Moorabbin Airport. The Japanese language teacher and mother of three primary school children, estimates she saves at least $50 a week in groceries. "I get tinned tomatoes for 49 cents and pasta for 49 cents. You pay only $2.29 for beautiful multigrain bread and milk is about 50 cents cheaper than the plain-label supermarket milk. We go through 10 litres a week and six loaves of bread, so the savings really add up."
Price also raves about the quality of Aldi products. "Occasionally, you might find a tray of mouldy strawberries but generally their stock is always fresh. I get meat, fish, yoghurt, cheese and everything I need, and it's all great quality."
For Melburnians reared on a diet of Safeway and Coles, Aldi is decidedly different. There is no piped music to steer your trolley to and, rather than shelves, boxes are piled upon boxes. Most bizarrely, there are only four or five aisles because Aldi stocks about 5000 products, compared to 25,000 or so at the average supermarket.
Almost everything Aldi sells is labelled with the house brand. It deals with local producers, rather than relying on imported goods, so 80 per cent of its products are Australian.
"Aldi has shown you can operate a viable supermarket without the well-known brands," says Ogden-Barnes.
Coles and Safeway are now introducing more house brands and it seems we haven't seen the half of it. In comparable overseas sectors, house brands comprise about 30 per cent of the market; in Australia, they are only at 15 per cent to 18 per cent.
The big shift towards private brands began in Britain and the US eight to 10 years ago, showing the market that house-branded goods meant higher profit margins. There can also be tighter control of production, distribution and display.
Croydon resident Marj Stewart isn't happy about the proliferation of house brands. "I recently bought a packet of Savings brand frozen beans from Coles because I've had them before and they've been OK - they came from New Zealand. We had them for dinner that night and they were dreadful, dry and stringy; the worst beans I've ever had. I had a look at the packet and they were made in China."
These days, Stewart buys most of her groceries from the IGA (Independent Grocers Alliance) supermarket, in Mooroolbark, where she says the prices are good, the quality of the fruit and vegetables high and the service friendly.
Stewart is part of a broader movement back to independent grocers. Sales figures suggest stores such as Foodworks and IGA are picking up some of the market share lost by Coles in recent times. "The independents might not have the biggest range but they can have the right range," says Ogden-Barnes "and can beat them (Coles and Safeway) on proximity, service and community feel."
Author and actor Alice Garner likes to feel connected to her local community when she's grocery shopping. Several times a week, Garner bypasses the local Safeway on Racecourse Road, to spend her "hard-earned" at Foodworks, Flemington. "I just don't like the physical environment at Safeway, the bright lights, the long queues and the lack of continuity; there's never the same person on the register. Plus they always seem to have all the kids' stuff down low where they can reach it. I never take the kids there."
Garner likes the fact that her local Foodworks (known in her family simply as "the little supermarket") is friendly.
"They always say hello to the kids," she says.
There is also anecdotal evidence that strip shopping is alive and well in Melbourne.
In Centre Road, Bentleigh, several greengrocers, butchers and bakeries, as well as a Russian delicatessen, Glick's Cakes and Bagels and a market complex called Fresh, thrive within a stone's throw of Coles and Safeway.
Bilal Al Kantar owns the Bentleigh Fresh Fruit Centre, which buzzes with customers picking over bounteous displays of fresh fruit and vegetables. "We're doing very well," he says.
It's obvious, even to the casual observer, that supermarkets have greatly improved their fresh food offerings in recent years.
Woolworths/Safeway spokeswoman, Fiona Breen, says company research has shown that customers are becoming more curious and experimental about what they buy. The result is a bigger range of fresh food. "Stores now stock up to 18 varieties of tomatoes - 20 years ago, when we became 'The Fresh Food People', there were only two varieties available."
The healthy competition between supermarkets and independent bakers, greengrocers and butchers is driven by customers who are increasingly knowledgeable and demanding.
Customer power is driving another trend on which supermarkets are eager to hitch a ride; organics. Despite all the attention, organic food attracts, it still comprises only 0.25 per cent of total food consumption in Australia. In Britain, the figure is 10 times as high.
Former Londoner Mike Rear was struck by the prohibitive price and dodgy quality of much organic produce when he arrived in Australia.
"In UK supermarkets, organic produce is displayed alongside conventional stuff. It's much more widely available, not only in fresh produce but also things like tea, coffee, pasta, bread, flour, crackers and even things like jam and herbs. And while you pay a bit more, it's still affordable."
Breen says the organics industry in Australia is growing at about 20 per cent a year, in specialty stores and supermarkets. Both Coles and Safeway say they intend to expand their range.
And they are also undertaking to boost their green credentials with features such as water towers and thermally insulated walls and roofs and by recycling more waste and reducing energy use. Amid the flurry of green activity, the bottom line is that supermarkets are trying to look less like supermarkets and more like old-fashioned, high-street grocers; less like green-eyed corporate monsters and more like friendly members of your local community.
Asked about trends shaping the future of the supermarket business, Breen is frank: "There will be an increasing focus on listening more closely to our customers and creating as much of an individual shopping experience as possible.
"While mass-market shopping has been fantastic for providing greater convenience, range and competitive pricing, arguably it has lost some of the personal touch." Former Sainsbury shopper, Mike Rear, illustrates the problem that supermarkets face: "The South Melbourne Market has become a weekly ritual for us. We love being able to shop in the 'market way' where you can see, smell and touch everything - a lot like the markets we went to as kids.
"Markets are very thin on the ground in the UK, and those that are good, like Borough Market, are very expensive."
Instead of slamming the mediocrity of our supermarkets and lamenting the absence of an upmarket player, should we question whether we really want our supermarkets to be as good as in Britain or the US?
"You've hit the nail on the head," Ogden-Barnes says. For, if there was a Waitrose-equivalent in every second suburb, Prahran, Preston and Dandenong Markets, or our treasured independent butchers, bakers and greengrocers would surely attract less custom.
If our supermarkets tend towards blandness, perhaps that's a fair price to pay for Melbourne's thriving food culture.
Self-serve-centred
Sixty years ago, almost everybody bought their groceries from an independently owned general store. The customer stood at the counter with a basket and list as the aproned grocer walked back and forth to his shelves, retrieving this and weighing out that.
Gradually, says retail consultant Don Fraser, it began to dawn on grocers that they could slash labour costs by making customers serve themselves.
With reduced labour costs, self-service grocers were able to under-cut their competitors and thereby draw more business.
By the mid to late 1950s, self-service grocery stores were commonplace. About this time, variety goods merchandisers, Coles and Woolworths, began buying up grocery stores by the fistful in NSW and Victoria. Coles opened its first, freestanding supermarket in North Balwyn, in 1960.
The new way of shopping was facilitated by the motor car and the refrigerator that made possible large, centralised stores and bulk buying.
Game on.
Monday, 23 July 2007
ARROGANCE: The Age's Taj Mahal To Disrupt Hundreds of Thousands of Commuters During Construction
The Herald Sun's Ashley Gardiner reveals The Age's scandalous construction plans for a luxury office building called Media House over rail lines near the Southern Cross Station on Spencer Street.
Construction of The Age's custom-built palace d'ego is set to cause delays for commuters for as long as two years in a major public relations nightmare for Melbourne's left-wing press.
Developing...
Game on.
Sunday, 22 July 2007
EMERGENCY UPDATE: Racist Cartoon Disgusts Nation
Not only has Stephen Mayne's xenophobic article about the "Singaporean spectre" caused revulsions, it wasn't til phone calls this afternoon (from those who persist in buying the printed Age, a rapidly dwindling number) that I noticed the odious 19th century inspired racist cartoon that accompanied his oped.
It features a small-eyed Singaporean pudgy lion sitting on a bamboo chair eat Australia with his chopsticks from an Asian style bowl. Notice the fangs of the lion, as if ready to devour us all. Not since those vile anti-Chinese cartoons from The Bulletin in its "Australian for the white man" days has such filth been in such wide circulation in this city.
Something has gone very wrong at The Age if they think race-baiting of this kind is acceptable. The founder of that newspaper David Syme was a stern advocate of protectionism and the "White Australia Policy". Little - it seems - has changed since the bad old days.
Game on.
Thursday, 19 July 2007
BITTER: The Left-Wing Press Continues To Rubbish Jeff Kennett
Paul Austin's nonsensical piece this morning about how former Liberal Premier Jeff Kennett did the wrong thing by expressing solidarity with and sympathy for his former opponent's son caught up in a drink-driving furore shows just how bitter and snide The Aged can be.
They never liked Jeff and convinced their dwindling readership that he was a doctrinaire rightist despite him being politically very moderate, even a bleeding heart on many issues.
At a personal level, Kennett is a lovely and classy man, who served with distinction as our state's Premier, repairing so much of the damage done by the administrations and recessions that preceded his election. We have all been blessed that his successor has been much more like him in terms of economic responsibility than either of his predecessors whose clueless pseudo Keynesian incompetence nearly turned Melbourne into a ghost-town.
His command that Jeff Kennett shut his mouth is the ultimate expression of lefty, inner-urban angst about the fact that Kennett remains - particularly within Melbourne - a very popular figure whose opinions count because we respect his record of achievement. He didn't quite crack it for a statue out the front of the Premier's office, but a revived and prosperous Victoria is his monument.
Rather a big contrast with Austin, who gets paid a fortune to analyse state politics and yet finds himself routinely out-paced by the more nimble Herald-Sun, The Australian, television and radio.
We can only count the days to Paul Austin finally shutting his mouth. From what we keep hearing, with the Age's over-staffed and out-of-touch state politics crew under increasing scrutiny from those above wondering they really get value for the money spent, that blessed day may be upon us soon. Real soon.
Game on.
Thursday, 5 July 2007
FLASH: The Age Sports Editor Pole-Axed By Rampaging Egomaniac Jaspan
In a shock development, the Age's executive editor of sport Warwick Greenhas been ousted by Editor in Chief Andrew Jaspan.
The laid-back but competent Green has been highly regarded at the Spencer Street Soviet, producing a sports section that attracts readers beyond the paper's normal inner-city latte left readership.
And yet Age insiders report that the former AFL player never got on well with Jaspan who constantly interfered in sport but had little understanding of Melbourne's preference (should we say obsession) for AFL. The whingeing Pom apparently didn't like the game and believed Melbourne Victory needed much higher priority in their coverage. Green saw this as absurd and an unwelcome intrusion in his job by someone with no news judgment. He was apparently not afraid in the end to express these views in "conference" and this honesty grated on the Jaspan, who prefers yes-men dumber than himself (that'd be Paul Ramadge).
Those working under Green are appalled and devastated by the unilateral decision. They are shocked that Jaspan didn't even feel the need for artifice in his explanation. The Editor in Chief told Green simply that he didn't like him and he had to go.
The union MEAA has been called in and those working in sport are understood to be planning to refuse to apply for promotion in protest.
The Age's sports section, once one of its strengths, is now on the brink of its biggest crisis in years. And all because of an Editor whose reign of error is set to end in tears.
Game on.
Tuesday, 3 July 2007
COCK UP: Andrew Jaspan Asleep At The Wheel As The Age Goes Hardcore On Front Page
The Age's Editor-in-Chief Andrew Jaspan has - perhaps inadvertently - allowed an uncensored picture of a footballer's penis to appear on the front page of his once august daily newspaper.
The rather embarrassing faux pas has been corrected through cropping in the online version of the story. Check it out for yourself. It's the cover up that kills you every time.
Collingwood officials far from impressed, we hear.
UPDATE:
Kudos to Tim Blair and OC informants for bringing this small issue to our attention.
Already the mocking has begun by OC correspondent Daniel:
Game on.
Friday, 29 June 2007
WAR ON ERROR: Distracted By Internal Crisis, The Age's Errors Multiply
OC Investigator Daniel points out that the Fairfaxista letters pages may already be suffering from cost-cutting in the left-wing newspaper publisher.
He points to:
■ The highly unusual criticism of The Age for its left-wing views slipping in today's letters:
Outrageous nonsense
I HAVE never seen such disgusting journalism as I saw in The Age today (28/7). Your paper is known for its left-wing views, but this tops the lot with this outrageous nonsense. You get a report sent to the Prime Minister and he turns and acts on it — then you go and publish this nonsense.
John Robson, Lower Templestowe
■ Obvious errors that may have survived spell-checker but not the roving eye of the sub-editor like this one:
This problem is bigger than hurricane Katrina, not simply a freak event. It is a system of devastation that sweeps through the town on Thursdays — the day welfare checks [sic] are given, which see lines form at the bottle shops. My family still lives in the red centre among the alcoholism, drugs, rape and violence.
and in another letter:
Why not track down a few more quite[sic] achievers in our country?
While they're looking for "quite achievers" perhaps the Fairfaxistas might either wake up the sub-editors they have or hire ones who can read.
Game on.
Thursday, 28 June 2007
GONER: Andrew Jaspan Is Going // Most Likely Replaced By Mark Baker With Ramadge Lurking In Shadows
Melbourne inner city's local daily newspaper in decline The Age continues to be in crisis, a low rent version of the London Guardian newspaper without the resources, scale, quality, depth or passion.
The man who helped drive them there - the OC can confirm - is going to be terminated imminently. It will be presented as the Englishman returning home for professional and family reasons, in truth it is an open secret that Jaspan was given the indication several months ago that he ought to be actively looking to go.
RAMBO HOPELESS
So who will replace him? Paul Ramadge, the self-styled Rambo Deputy Editor believes it will be him.
A bullying practitioner of the tirade, Age insiders say that unlike most of his peers in editorial leadership who lack social skills, Ramadge lacks the news judgment necessary to retain any respect from those who report to him. He is held in even greater contempt than Jaspan, a now universally reviled figure.
Ramadge has the hide of a rhino so will keep fighting for a promotion til the better end. On the grounds that he would be possibly a more destructive and thermonuclear Editor in Chief than either Stephen Mayne or even my good self (memo to Chairman Ron, will work for food), Ramadge would certainly an amusing choice.
But those who gossip at The Age (everyone except Leonie Wood) know that Ramadge's dog won't hunt.
MAN MOST LIKELY
A far more likely prospect is former long-time Asian correspondent, later The Age's Opinion Editor and now Editor of the Canberra Times, Mark Baker. He certainly appears to be the favoured one of the Fairfax family who are now the largest shareholder in the recently merged Fairfax Media and might be looking to be a bit more hands-on by influencing Jaspan's replacement.
Having a Sydney family of blue-bloods directly accountable for the ongoing obscenity that is The Age newspaper would be - as the young folks say - kewl.
Game on.
Wednesday, 30 May 2007
SCHNORRER: How One Ignorant Dunce Turned Israel Bashing Into An Industry
The Age would have us believe that they are experts on the Middle East purely because they say they are and they lash the country with all the ferocity and myopia of a Jihadist or Antony Loewenstein as the case may be.
For example today they made the following claim:
Mr Barak came to power in 1991 after defeating then prime minister Mr Netanyahu, then and now a leading hawk, with a promise to find a final peace settlement with the Palestinians.
Actually it was 1999.
Speaking of the ignorant, the Australian Catholic University has scandalously awarded an Honorary Doctorate to The Age's resident bigot Michael Leunig whose deranged and sinister denunciations of Israel mortify the few decent people left reading that rag.
Game on.
Thanks to Dan and SBA for those two gems. Keep fighting the good fight.
Friday, 25 May 2007
EXPOSED: Lower Than A Snake's Belly And Twice As Slimy Nick McKenzie Caught Stalking Telmo's Former Wife
The Age Investigations Unit (Redundancies Pending) has clearly had Labor moderate champion MP Telmo Languiller in its sights for some time and has devoted months of sleaze research in a feeble attempt to cause him political injury.
The OC can exclusively reveal that their conspiracy to destroy him not only had a budget to engage in international and interstate travel but also extended to fishing for material in his personal life from a former spouse. Now that is low.
WALLOWING IN SLEAZE
Earlier this month, prissy propaganda pimp Nick McKenzie flew to Sydney at Fairfax Media shareholder's expense to interview Languiller's former wife who lives up there.
Telmo and the woman concerned had an amicable divorce in 1984. That's right, twenty-three years ago.
Flights to Auckland and Sydney really do seem an extraordinary indulgence for a publication that loses money every day of the week except Saturday.
And yet in 2007, in a desperate attempt to find dirt on the person they'd decided to slot, McKenzie shows up in Sydney unannounced and lies in wait for the unsuspecting woman to throw her questions about why they'd got divorced and what she was willing to tell the public about their private life.
FORMER WIFE FAR FROM IMPRESSED AT THE INTRUSION
Fortunately, it turns out that she was overseas and when McKenzie called her new husband to make contact and explained himself, McKenzie copped an absolute earful about how much of a grub and a sleaze-bag he was for dredging back twenty years into someone's personal life.
It's enough to create a real editorial issue for us here at the OC. Do we start digging into Nick's personal life to teach him a lesson and titilate you patriots, many of whom savour the red meat of the lefty even on this sabbath day? Does that endorse his gutter tactics through emulation? Or could it be some aversion therapy for this addict of sleaze. Please let us know your thoughts on this via email, meebo, sms and on the phone because we'll be deciding this weekend which way to go.
Before he turned into a full-time grub, Nick McKenzie was once a hopeful journalist butterfly. He wasn't always a sewer rat, his once lofty ideals were proudly expressed for all the world to see.
See what he told the Australian Press Council when he was naive and nineteen in 1999:
The contrast between his ideals then and the sad reality of his life now could not be greater.
Nick McKenzie
"Nick McKenzie is nineteen years old and is completing his second year of Journalism at RMIT. He hopes to complete an additional post-graduate in industrial relations/politics after he has finished his course. (OC: Is a desire to study industrial relations prima facie proof of being a leftard?)
His ambitions are fuelled with idealistic endeavour that he hopes will never leave him. He aims to become a foreign correspondent or industrial relations reporter and always maintain his independence and subjectivity, even when working for business-oriented newspapers.
Other than that, he is a keen surfer and has also travelled throughout South East Asia for several months. He plans to return later this year if he doesn't succeed in getting a cadetship at a newspaper.
Though he might add, three years of chasing ambulances and going to court seems like a rather daunting prospect, nevertheless he does recognise that it is a long way to the top in journalism and is prepared to begin that ascent."
Damned by his own words and deeds.
Game on.