BEAUTY & THE BEAST: Bitter Greens Preselection Crisis in Queensland

Despite an image of purity and harmony, the state-based divisions of the Australian Greens are a seething cauldron of petty hatreds and bitchy rivalry. The tiny cadre of members in Greens rotten boroughs are able to wield control or significant influence on the party that could hold the balance of power in the Australian Senate.

This places an extraordinary amount of power in the hands of a small group of people who are on the extreme left fringe of Australian public life and are frequently engaged in illegal drug-taking.

In the Victorian Greens, pragmatic numbers-man Greg Barber MLC went for the doctor and installed his brother-in-law Richard Di Natale as the lead Senate Candidate. It was a dramatic coup which ousted presumptive Senate candidate, former Melbourne Councillor David Risstrom. It was an agonisingly close contest postal vote, although only six or seven hundred members actually voted in the rotten borough count. Just as disturbingly, the person who conducted the poll is infamous ultra-leftist and poll rorter Stephen Luntz who is also employed by the extreme left backed University of Melbourne Student Union.

CUTIE VS DEATH-BEAST
The Queensland Greens are in a similarly spiteful death-wrestle. The battle boils down to a struggle between stunning lipstick-bisexual Greensbabe Larissa Waters and heavyweight leftiste Juanita Wheeler (aka Beauty and the Beast)

It is mind boggling that things would turn so nasty and dirty given that Queensland is the least likely to elect a Green, but the stoushing is getting particularly snide and vicious as you shall see. No more than a few hundred voters are expected to participate in the farce.

Five Greens members have nominated for the leading Senate candidate pre-selection.

The battle is shaping up between new kid on the block luscious Larissa Waters and heavyweight National Convenor Juanita Wheeler, sloth club member Anja Light and two others who can't win whose names our stoned Greens sources were unable to recall.

Nasty aspects of the cat-fight fight include:

■ Claims that glamour envirototty Lipstick Larissa Waters is running "Dummy Candidates" in order to bolster her numbers by preference-harvesting;

■ A preference deal between Larissa Waters, Anja Light and Andrew Grodecki proven by their campaign material which contained HTV cards where they swapped preferences as a block, leaving the other two candidates, including arch-enemy Juanita Wheeler, out in the cold in a cruel and Stalinist totty-thrust;


CENTRAL INTERVENTION USED TO UNDERMINE GLAMOURGREEN
■ As reported in Nameless, the Greens National Executive last week held a secret closed door meeting to examine the Queensland Greens pre-selection process. The real reason was to ensure that the vote ran to according to the central plan and National Convenor Juanita Wheeler won the nomination. Tactics were discussed on what actions could be taken to ensure Larissa Waters didn't win, showing an absence of respect for the Greensbabe.

■ Some Greens members have described the National Council intervention into the pre-selection process has been described as a "constitutional crisis";

■ Larissa Waters believes the pre-selection process is being conducted improperly and outside Party rules and has sought legal advice about ensuring justice for the persecuted minority of stunning blonde beach babes;

■ Some Queensland Greens members concerned about the undemocratic maneuvers of the sinister cabal have threatened to resign from the party in disgust;

■ Four of the five candidates reserved the right to take legal action to overturn the postal ballot including envirolegalminx Larissa;

NASTY ATTACKS ON ENVIROHOTTOT
■ Rumours have been running rampant, either true or lies spread by the Juanita Wheeler faction of uglies, about questions relating to Larissa Waters private life. Rumour within the party is that Luscious Larissa, who is an attractive environmental lawyer, is a bi-sexual who has a semi-open relationship where she is allowed by her male partner to have intimate relations with women. (OC: OK, settle down lads) While not a breach of Greens membership policy, concerns are being raised within the party that it may jeopardise their Senate campaign if she is the lead candidate and details relating to her colourful nightlife are leaked to the lustful inquirers of the media and Family First rivals.

Click here to see Larissa Waters, a Greensbabe who if she's not elected to the Senate from Queensland may seek to replace Lara Bingle as Australia's tourism ambassador.

Then there's her running-mate Anja Light, a blonde Swedish woman with monkeys on her head. Comrade Light's critics insist that even though she's running for the Senate, she was too lazy or stoned to have out How To Vote cards for her party during the Queensland poll.

■ Sam Stainsby, the Stalinist Queensland Greens Forum moderator has been abusing his power to delete posts on a Greens internet site and supress dissent to ensure his desired candidate (Juanita Wheeler) gets the nod;

■ Questions have been raised by Wheeler backers about Larissa only being a Green party member for one year prior to nomination;

LIPSTICK LARISSA LASHES FOES
■ Larissa's supporters have countered with claims that Juanita is a filthy capitalist pig in that she owns four childcare centres, is a multi-millionaire and a very well-paid senior executive with a leading technology. In the world of the Green, this inclination to capitalism could be a serious problem;

■ Wealthy Juanita Wheeler may be a good salesperson for her many business interests but her critics say that as membership recruitment coordinator, yet the Queensland Greens remain frozen at 890 members where they've been for two years, a rotten borough indeed, especially when it's considered likely that only a few hundred of them will bother voting in the Senate preselection;

■ Members have complained that Juanita Wheeler's tour of the state to energise Greens members is in fact a cynical ploy to self-promote at Party expense;

■ One numbers operative improperly accessed the national membership database to obtain members' contact detail for campaigning purposes.

■ Waters' backers have been hitting the phones to demon-dial Greens members to gather votes. These phone callers have reportedly made subtle references to Juanita Wheeler's weight and beastly appearance compared to Greens uber-babe Larissa Waters.

All in all, another perfect of example of the need for open primaries where party supporters can all vote for prospective candidates rather than this latest rotten borough where a few hundred Greens members will - by a bizarre process behind closed doors - choose a public representative who theoretically represents millions of people.

Game on.